The Picture

I peeked into your picture today,
A once which I said was not enough;
Even that half an eye seemed more than filling
For what the lonely long nights beheld;
There was nothing more to it,
Than perhaps just the side of a handsome face,
But today thus I suffice
And, or for all the times to come.

As I glanced through that picture,
Memories raced back, eyes flooded;
And the only thought that seemed to hold strength
Through the truffle of emotions was,
‘Whose are you going to be?
Rather than who are you going to hold onto!’
Strange, for all I ever dreamed was for an ‘us’
And never a person more.

I see a change in my thoughts,
Or perhaps just a coping mechanism;
To the harsh reality of unalterable truth!
Am I getting selfless about you?
The helpless heart still feels heavy,
With just your thoughts oozing out;
Never a dime against what we never wished for together;
Thy gods are my witness to it all!

But tonight nothing mattered momentarily,
Than that pang of jealousy for the lucky one;
To touch that curled up hair, to hold those standout ears,
To caress that crooked smile, to kiss that evil smirk,
To peek into that innocent eyes;
As you laid back carefree in yonder loving arms.
But if dreams were ever to come true;
You would be mine and I would yours forever through!

P.S. In a trance. From a friend. For a friend. Nothing more. Nothing less.

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Freedom of the Mind!

“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you are!” – Jim Morrison

It is strange how on the eve of a national holiday always I find the strength to pour my heart out or maybe that is just my way of screaming out my independence or the need for it or maybe I am just trying to take some solace in a creative activity. Nicker-nackers, as I call them or maybe as generally called a recollection for hope and at times a confidence boost for the self loathing souls. The human heart is a funny thing; sometimes too silly or too obstinate and full of pride and yes it has a soft weak side too and the most dangerous it gets when it falls in love. What not it does or makes its owner do just to get a little attention from the object of its affection! The real misery starts when it gets a dire ill fated rejection from the very object it cares about. The ruthless hatred that is borne at such fate boils the heart out and might even put the devil to shame. And what not to soothe an ailing little heart and free it of its miseries; everything obviously justified easing the little wretched heart which has fallen into its self dug graves. I wondered often as to what emotions or actions flow through in the time period from when the heart is broken to the moment for the rise of the hatred; the border-line of the two mutually independent opposite feelings and what does happen if the hatred does not simmer down; is it ever possible to be free of such guilt and anger; never knowing the answer lies in self within and not wandering around. But of course such knowledge does not come from years of experience rather in a moment of truth, a glance back into the ghosts of the past. Impulsive and fragile as a young heart might be eagerly falls in love with the shining friendly smile often not knowing the consequences that might befall almost always against the good judgement of the noble brain. Falling in love perhaps is like floating on clouds, the weightlessness of everything and the ease with which two souls tango through the world around. But then fairytales are not for the present generation to live. Not everything falls in place when you behead the dragon, free the princess or kill the evil witch. Stupid and silly for a person to wear their heart on the sleeves when the world seems to be full of heartless mad kings and queens. And in this century, the evil generally lives through the eyes of the very object of your affection. The very soul you tried to seek your solace in is the one which is ever ready to bring your downfall and hiss and bite at you like the most poisonous rattle snake. Masquerade! And maybe when this realisation dawns on the heart it gets infuriated and then starts the period of hatred.

“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned”- William Congreve

A heart full of rage is so dark that it might even put the black diamonds to shame! So why not put up an appearance, a disguise to betray the peeking glaring eyes for there hardly is anything else to do. And thus enters the various boosting activities or maybe even called the self distracting actions. And on such times I create my own collage of creativities. So I made a list of things to do and topping the chart was food. Comfort food seemingly not only comforts the ailing heart but also refreshes the taste buds. I cooked and baked and ate till I was sure I looked like a floating balloon; why should the heart float alone-reason justified! Oh how I wish I had just noted down the recipes of the amazing dishes I made and of course the appreciation I got from my delighted mother who did find it quite strange for her daughter to have lost her way into the kitchen suddenly perhaps! But then imagine the disappointment when I measured my weight and found to have lost a few pounds instead of gaining! The heart was torn again; the food was supposed to make the body bulge and not skimp it so then cooking and even eating cut off the list. Next I shifted to paintings. Yes I was happy to be reunited with this old flame. Not much of a painter but I was satisfied. After a while even this wore off or maybe not, I still have my paint and brushes and colours but just been taking a break out of it; vacationing. I shifted focus to the next item on the to-do list and “oh my” this perhaps has the most calming down experience ever. I bought three pairs of heels and two pairs of flats, five tops, two dresses, two saris, two kurtas, a small makeover, one watch, a few other tiny daily accessories and two very ugly bags which thankfully I returned back and hopefully will get refunded. But then how much of the appearance or the act is just enough? I now have a restraining order to stay away from the kitchen or clean up the mess I make after the various though yummy but experimental dishes, I have a huge credit to repay for all the unplanned and also unwanted expenditure and for that I cannot shop for the next two months at the least and the colours well most of them dried off from the long vacation I took off it. Not knowing the limit is perhaps the most dangerous of all and maybe that puts us in another deep ditch of shits. Over excessive of every little thing that my petty heart craved for! And it was then that a realisation dawned upon. I did everything to make up for some lost solace in something or somebody else in return which was actually doing no good or benefit. A few shed tears also seemed a waste of preciousness. My parents raised me a princess; only daughter and pampered a lot. It isn’t like not faced with tough times; there were and very much of it but then I was raised as protected and all away from harms ways under the protection of their shield of love. And shedding a few tears for the silliness of the heart seemed on my part all wrong and unjustified to my parents and maybe that very realisation gave me a certain height of freedom. I realised it was never worth to pursue a thing which failed to put a smile on my parents’ princess and that exactly was the independence the heart needed. And strange as it might be the head hit the realisation exactly at midnight and reading aloud a certain excerpt.

“At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance. It is fitting that at this solemn moment we take the pledge of dedication to the service of India and her people and to the still larger cause of humanity.” – Pt. Jawaharlal Nehru, first Prime Minister of a free independent India.

Daily Prompt: Victory

The phone keeps on ringing non-stop.
“God people get a life!”  I rant and shout out, “Dad please get the phone. My hands are deep in the dough.”
Generally, I am assumptively the perfect daughter, though the single one in the house, totally not pampered or I would like to think of myself, never ordering around, so my father who was reading a newspaper in the next room happily obliges to receive the call.
“Hello. No, this is her father here. Yes. Oh. Ok. Please hold on while I get her on the phone.”  My father talks over the phone and calls out for me, “This is for you dear.”  He carries the cordless around and holds it near my ears and says “It’s someone from the Mayor’s office.”
“Ughh!” my utter disappointment. “I am busy and the people around have ample time to give strangers call from strange offices!” I think. “Hello. Yes this is her. Oh! Ok. Thank you. Yes of course. Sure. Please send the invitations. Yes we will be there. Ok I will definitely be ready with the speech. Thank you. It was a pleasure.”
With all the ramblings with a few pauses, my father stands beside me and watches my face turn from regret to confusion to a smile to a blushed crimson and finally after the call ends, he enquires “So?”
“I am getting an award. Dad it’s my day. My THE DAY. I got it. I really did make it.” I happily reiteriate the entire conversation. I tell him it was a co-ordinator at the Mayor’s office and the award giving out ceremony is this Friday at the town District Library at five in the evening and that we will get an invitation card and that all our friends and family would get the invitation too.
“Oh my sweet little girl!” my father happily cries out. “Congratulations, you deserve it.”
My father rushes out of the room towards my mother in the garden to share the good news of their proud daughter. As for me, in my over bound happiness, start forming images of the day and playing my acceptance speech in my head. I picture myself wearing the bold mustard yellow Dhakai Jamdani sari, with the blue and green shankha patterns embroidered, which I pair up with my grandmother’s beautiful pearl neckpiece with the dangling charm resting over the green border of the sari. My name being called upon, I walk up to the stage to receive the award while my friends and family keep cheering my name aloud. I take the microphone in my hand with the smiling crowd below and start speaking. “Oh my glorious days finally! I am happy. I am glad. I am honoured. And I cry, not tears of sadness but of joy. A series of emotions overwhelm me and I make myself realise that it is finally happening to me. I thank Thy Lord for marking this destiny for me, my parents for being my constant support, my friends for encouraging me and most of all the society for…” where-in mid way through the speech I hear a shrill screech and the audience infront start to dissolve as solid colour in water and the vision seems to blur out and my mother’s voice starts becoming prominent in the backdrop of someone standing over.
“Wake up or you will be late for office,” I suddenly realise my mother shouting out at my comfortable closed eyed position as if I were lying down somewhere.
I open my overtly slept-in eyes and try figuring out reality. “I was dreaming. Again!” I think aloud. My mother pushes the window curtains aside and morning sun totally glazes at my face with a smirk, “Wake up late riser.” I take a look at the bedside clock and thump it to shut the alarm and shout out, “Oh my God! It’s past 9:30.”
“Now get of bed, lazy girl. Freshen up soon, am laying out the breakfast.” My mother smiles at my dreamy eyes and says, “My dear you dream a lot. Work as hard on them and success will definitely be yours.”
“Yes mom. I am up and awake. Will be at the table soon,” I manage and realise the dream really was a good one.
“Me and my drama obsessed life. Even dreams couldn’t be under rated here.” I think and smile.

#Daily Prompt

Daily Prompt: Walk

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These are my favourite pair of shoes. Yes they are somewhat old as in old during my freedom days three years back. My country had been colonized by the British for nearly around two hundred years and yes its been over six decades we have gotten our independence but not individually of course; my parents though born post independence era do not grasp the concept of it entirely. If Hitler were alive and known them, he literally would have done his best to adopt them. I mean no insults or sarcastic ungrateful remarks to my parents, they raised me good and total right but just and only neglecting the concept of individual independence. It was only three years before when I was first allowed to leave home and all thanks to my job in a different city. But no not total independence. I was accompanied by both my parents and they stayed for over a week and also had my return tickets booked along with theirs. And they made sure my local guardian dropped by my office or hostel every alternate days to check, probably they were afraid of me being taken over by some alien from outer space! Well then some twisted luck or fate within four months I got transferred to a different city where my parents couldn’t afford to find a local supervisor. Thankful for that somehow though. Well then coming back to my favourite pair of shoes, I bought these for my first birthday away from home. That and a LBD. My first LBD for life and also my first heels in years. In years as because some concept my dad had as in heels have a negative effect on your spinal cord and also his daughter might and actually definitely trip and twist her ankles and whatever else bad or worst he could conjure upon in his over protective mind. My early adolescent years were totally spent with flats; private school-boring monotonous black shoes and then after that all flat sandals, titos throughout college. I had to wear flats for parties and occassions even; obvious they a shade prettier than the everyday ones but still those never gave the curves and sensousness as those by heels. So for obvious reasons I was pretty happy about my pair of black heels. And where did these take me; well everywhere special-my first birthday party out of my parents home, my first night club and also my first real date ever(though am no longer with that guy but then memories are always to be cherished). But for now am again back at my parents home. No am not jobless but coincidentally to my parents unbound happiness, my present job posting is in my state and their favourite town; so goodbye pretty heels and hello flats. But I do have hopes and total plans of moving out pretty soon and then replacing the entire shoe box with pretty high heels(#fingers crossed).

#Daily Prompt

The Liebster Award!!

My first blogger award nomination and all thanks to the kind lady of romance, Christina Cole. It was so nice of you to appreciate and nominate my blog. I am super excited and feel greatly honoured. It is seemingly a basic human trait to be recognized, be known, wanted and appreciated.

Liebster-Blog-Award-PostBasically, the Liebster Award is a “favorite blog award”, as Liebster is the German word for favorite, beloved, or dearest. It is meant for smaller blogs with less than two hundred followers to help expose them to the world and help them discover other new and upcoming bloggers. 

In order to formally accept this award, the nominee must do several things

  1. Link back and recognize the blogger who nominated me.
  2. Answer ten questions given to me by Christina.
  3. Nominate ten other bloggers for the award.
  4. Create ten questions for my nominees to answer.
  5. Notify my nominees.

 Well the first task I have completed. Christina Cole is a romantic writer and you can visit her blog at Andante Cantabile and also read her short stories in Love Notes by Christina Cole.

 Next to answer the ten questions I have been posed with from my nominator:

 1) What book has most influenced you in your life?

Well I am mostly a fiction reader and also a hopeless romantic along with a thrill for suspense and crime plots. And fictions don’t seem to adorn a personal influence. But then come to think about it if a book that really seemed to influence the way I grew up or relate to is EMMA by Jane Austen. Just like the protagonist of the novel I was perhaps a spoilt brat (during my teenage years) although am leveling up best to be a Jane Eyre now. I am kind of headstrong and self-satisfied which I intend to tag along with for the future-me and I love to know everything about everybody around me and try my best to help them out although that has often been termed as meddle-some in the past but also have been thanked a few many times by some.

2) If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?

If I could change a thing about my life, that would be to just a portion of my past where due to my too hot a temper lost a few good friends and friendships in the making.

3) What is your favorite holiday and why?

My favourite holiday is Durga Puja. It is the most significant socio-cultural event in Bengali Hindu society celebrated around the fall season four days long which epitomizes the victory of Good over Evil. 

4) Where would you most like to travel?

New Delhi. Haven’t travelled much but have put up in Delhi for a year and just love the city and its people.

5) Does your car have a name? If so, what is it?

No. I don’t own a car at present but I am hoping to very soon and then I think I shall name it Bumpy signifying the very large number of pot holes in the streets where I live right now.

6) Favorite pet?

No great pet lover. Pets are animals and are better in the wild and if to be brought in human contact then only at the zoo and at home only as stuffed toys.

7) What five words would your friends use to describe you?

Talkative, Understanding, Trustworthy, Dominating, Stubborn.

8) What’s your favorite childhood memory?

Many actually. To mention one would be the time when I first met my first best friends “M” and “N”, my first BFFs. First day in kindergarten and all strange new faces, some crying and yelling, and some total silent with the teacher trying her best to calm everybody around when these two bold girls walk up to me and say that I needn’t worry or feel lonely for they are there now and always. That was the best thing that happened. And twenty four years from then, they are still here, may be a distant few hundred miles due to our varied job profiles but total close to the heart.

9) What was the last show you watched on television? 

The Vampire Diaries. Kind of total gaga over the Salvatore Brothers and hopelessly wishing to grow the vampire fangs.

10) Do you believe in ghosts?

Hell no!! Total past that childish time frame but yes watching spooky movies do give me goose bumps and the ever non rational creeps.

I hope Christina I have done justice to your questions.

Moving on to the next segment, I need to nominate ten other newbie bloggers for the award. And my choices are:

  1.  Being Nenne
  2. Godrick Gnomish
  3. Embroid Yourself
  4. Romance Novels
  5. The Marmot in My head
  6. Ruminations from an Introvert
  7. Eat Read Glam
  8. Cinnwriterblog
  9. Life & Times
  10. Improving Slowly

 Now nominees here are your ten questions:

  1. What’s the meaning behind the name of your blog?
  2. What is one thing a lot of people don’t know about you? 
  3. What five words do you think your closest friends would use to describe you?
  4. If you were a superhero, who would you be? 
  5. If you could go back to any time period, what would it be?
  6. If you could live in any country other than your own, where would you choose and why?
  7. What is one non-technological item that you could NOT live without?
  8. If you could shift into any animal, what one would you try first?
  9. If you were to be acting in a Disney movie which would it be and why?
  10. You can have a half-hour conversation with any fictional character. Who do you choose?

 The final part, off to the chosen nominees to inform them about it. They will then have to do all the steps I did and then the Liebster Award will officially be theirs.

Weekly Photo Challenge : Carefree

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Carefree as a tree

Tall as a tower I stand all day and night,
Dreaming as the humans go around in their busy lives.
I give them shade with my wide spread branches,
And I give them breeze with my rustling leaves,
And nurture them with the fruits I bear.
Still they go about cutting me,bleeding me and bringing me down,
All in the name of some a few roads to link and houses to live.
And I stand there watching them carefree as they go about depleting and extincting my genre.

Anatomy of the Heart

We all have made mistakes of the heart, some speak-able and some despicable or maybe for some still in the making. There always or must have been someone in everybody’s life whom at certain point we wished never knew, a memory that never happened unless of course you are just out of a classic Walt Disney fairy tale  Since childhood we have crossed paths with many other stressed out souls as us. Some become friends, some we fall in love with only to fall out of it again until we find the next right person to take our heart away and make it their business to keep it safe and sound. Half the world’s poems and sonnets would not have materialized had all been with the right person since the inception of life forms. Matters and doings of the heart is really an irony!

What is the first reaction of a person to a heart break; may that be a heart break due to a lover’s feud or a friend’s back stab? The first sign of distraught and we always start searching for the scapegoat to put all our blames on. At times totally justified and mostly unwarranted to the person meted out but then it’s not our fault for being biased as in not deciding and meting our fate on the total wrong person. It was all the fault of the heart. Even science can vouch for that! According to the scientific society, the heart is a hollow muscular organ of a somewhat conical shaped tapering towards the end and tilted towards the left portion of the body. Hollow as in the totally clueless and mindless things it does as in being befriending up the total wrong person and falling blindly in love with another such ill creed. That makes some sense perhaps. And tilted towards one side totally reads biased-ness.

There is nothing to be ashamed of having such unruly affairs of the heart. Isn’t it said that failures are the stepping stones of success. Literally to say it is all about putting a strong keel on our happy go lucky boat of life. Maybe these to-be-forgotten once in a lifetime mishappens are just a drift to direct us into the happy open arms of our Prince Charming.

#Daily Prompt

The Dolphin Story

Dolphin-Wallpaper-1080pIs there any of us who hates the dolphin? I guess none. We all love it, adore it. Some even go to the extent of having dreams of swimming with the dolphin. But what actually is it that takes us or actually attracts us towards this amphibian and sets it up high on a pedestal above all the other amphibians? Is it the streamlined body shape that attracts us? Well don’t all fishes have that same structure! Or is it the bulge of the trunk portion that actually makes us much closer to it? It can eat all it wants and never fear about the overwhelming tummy and the snide and sneering of the ever judging society. Have you wondered about a size zero dolphin? Imagine this.

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Ok fine still adorable!

We all want to swim with the dolphins, shell a few dollars out even to do that but in society a bit bulky is like she eats like a pig perhaps. Duh!! Feed the pig on half its ration and it still will be as bulky as it always has been. Common sense or maybe genetics/ science or Gods creation, take a pick. But whichever it is dolphins are dear and pigs aren’t.

images (3)1Yes of course some people do keep pigs as pet but sure as hell come any feast more than half the world would love to roast it out and have it served drippy delicious on a platter. But have you ever been served a dolphin? Try even joking about it and God bless you if you didn’t get a call from the over anxious and totally protective wild life preservation society. A friend of mine argued that dolphins’ smooth soft skin along with its mild timid soft eyes are the reason of its high soaring popularity and attractiveness. Really? Well even dogs have that eyes and about the body structure don’t they share similarities with the sharks and whales! You wouldn’t ever go swimming with the sharks or would you? That would be Steven Spielberg Jaws–my version. That too aggressive in pointing out; fine eels have smooth silky skin, have fun or dream swimming with them. Not that pleasant eh! 

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But whatever be it I myself don’t deny having a soft corner for the amphibian though. But whoa not swimming with them or even getting close to them, least even touching them with a single finger. My version–pets are animals and are always better kept at the zoo. You put them in your house, chain them and occasionally take them out for walks and that’s the exact same thing done at the zoo, isn’t? And better there at zoo as at least they have other animals to interact with and not just humans/creatures that walk on two feet and dress weirdly and make the pets do weird stuffs as fetching newspaper and balls along with added incentive of being judgmental about not littering around the house.

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Yes of course that does stir the heart and melt it and nobody says no to that obvious. But wait have you ever tried the tiger eyes maybe they too look the same before you get into the dark insides of its stomach! 

Coming back to the dolphin love I don’t hate the poor creature nor am I against them given a whimsically higher hierarchical domination in the human heart than whales and sharks but then rounding it up to just say that some animals are just good as in pictures or as showpieces or maybe as and when crafted in jewelry pieces. I fist grew this dolphin love when I set my eyes on a beautiful set of gold earrings bejeweled with two small diamonds on the eyes. If ever just one word could describe as that is “magnificent”. The saddest part to this love story being I was just a teenager and alas not with a financial security to get the pair into my ear lobes. This unsatisfied love grew till it was unbearable and insatiable onto finally one day when just a while back I found a little something which may be not much as compared to the teenage first great jewel love but something close enough and replaceable to that or maybe at least another dolphin jewel piece. 

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First love is never forgotten but can always be replaced by a great love or so they say. I am in the process to healing and filling that void perhaps quite refreshingly at the moment. 

#Daily Prompt: Procrastination

Showbiz!!

Have you ever imagined living in an alternate totally alienating environment? What if the environment we are actually living and surviving in right now is just an on stage drama? We at present consider ourselves to be the most superior creature.

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Have you ever imagined living in an alternate totally alienating environment? What if the environment we are actually living and surviving in right now is just an on stage drama? We at present consider ourselves to be the most superior creature. What if that is just our version of a half truth! What if we were just mere puppets or pretty dolls in somebody’s huge backyard!

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A frog sees a black and white world. Maybe to it we are the gods and goddesses. Do we care about it or actually do anything to make it happy and comfortable? We don’t because we do not have time for a lesser being than us, after all it is an animal, it will survive or perish or whatever as Darwin said survival of the fittest. But what if this is the exact very thing that is actually happening to us too. What if there are superior beings to us and that too totally around us in our day to day lives? A frog in its inferiority sees everything around in black and white and we in our inferiority don’t even see the superior highly intellectual beings.

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Hypothetical but still imagine this situation. Gross. Weird. But still that might be the reality of our petty souls. And all we cry and wail about is small stupidities in life, a broken nail or a broken heart, when and where we are actually so very inconspicuous. Shakespeare did say we were all actors and actresses on a big drama stage. So maybe we all are in a big playground playing small camouflaged roles and making a mountain hill out of our ostentatious lives. A crazy little world it is. But if we are actors and actresses and mere puppets, then why not put up a good show. Let’s put up our bestest make ups and prettiest dresses and show them what we got. Life’s short. Let’s make it a bit entertaining.

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Good Luck fellow humans in the strive to be judged the best. You can all walk the ramp here while I be the showstopper. 🙂